2005-07-29 - 7:38 a.m.
Well, here it is Friday again. I'll be taking Haley to gymnastics soon, but I wanted to update quickly. There have been a lot of things on my mind lately. Mostly work related stuff. I used to have a job that I loved. I was fairly accomplished and had earned respect from my colleagues. I had multiple promotions and was in a senior level position- I also really enjoyed working for my boss there. I offered to reduce my schedule to four days a week when I was pregnant with my first baby. At the time the company was going through a rough patch, the entire high tech world was, and initially this helped the company out more than me. Then I had Haley and the four day schedule worked well. The only problem was that the job was about 45 min. away from my home, then when the baby came along and I added drop off and pick up it was taking me an hour and a half to get to work and then I would work from 9-5:30 and because it was a demanding role, I would almost never get out at 5:30 and would feel guilty if I did leave on time. If I did leave on time I wasn't home with the baby until 6:45 at the very earliest. It was time for dinner and then the baby would go right to sleep. Sometimes she would fall asleep in the car on the way home and not wake up until the next morning. That would break my heart, being a first time mom and all. So I did this for a year and a half. Then I got an offer from my mother, she owns her own business, to go work for her. She knew how miserable I was with the schedule and commute thing. I took the job with her. At the time I was very conflicted (and still am) about the whole change. Now I have great flexibility, and I'm treated like a twinky. Yes, a TWINKY... I'm not perceived as a professional but as the boss�s daughter. It kills me! I can't stand it, and there is nothing I can do about it now. My mother doesn�t really take my �expertise� seriously either. So I feel like I�m just there� nobody really wants to take me seriously.
Believe me, I appreciate what she has done bringing me in trying to give me a sense of work/life balance, but I feel like I have taken a huge step backwards professionally. That is why I now feel like I work for the money and not for the sense of accomplishment. My husband has a good job, but the cost of living is so outrageous that we need my income. I don't think I would be good as a SAHM either. I don't like housework and I don't think that would change even if it were my only "job", my husband would resent the fact that I was home and not taking care of the house the way I should and I would get lazy and not know what to do with the kids all day long.
So you see I'm very conflicted about working and family and all that goes with it. I love my family and I used to take pride in my work and feel like a professional. I sometimes yearn to be back at the job that I left-it�s been a year and a half since I made the change. So I guess there's no perfect answer. Don't get me wrong, I am a pretty happy person most of the time. I just struggle with these issues periodically, like every day�
Have to go to gym school.
Bye for now.
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