2005-09-08 - 3:35 p.m.
Haley's second day of preschool was today. My husband took her because he has the day off to watch the kids while Gram (my grandmother in law) is in Aruba. He just called to say she had a good morning. Her "job" is to help pass out the milk during snack. She is very excited about that.
I'm not in a good mood today. I don't really even have a reason to say why. I just feel pissed off. Everyone is aggravating me. I would blame it on hormones, but I haven't got my period yet after having Nathan. Maybe I'm going to get it. Probably not though, it took a full year after Haley was born for it to return.
This guy I work with is really ticking me off. I swear he just stares at me. I went to another office to talk on the phone and he followed me and listened to everything I was saying. My conversation had no relevance to him at all. I just looked up as if to say- WHAT! and he walked away. This would be annoying to me on any day but today I was ready to scream at him.
All I can say is thank God people can�t read minds because if they could, boy, would I be in trouble today. I�m really not thinking anything nice about anyone. I�m sure it will pass. Now that I think of it, maybe it�s because I�m trying to fit a full week of work into two days, with the holiday and then being out yesterday and I don�t work on Fri. although you would think that would make me happy.
On another work note, I received a call from a recruiter Tuesday. He wants to meet with me about an �opportunity� that he is working on. I�m not in a position to make a move now, I need the flexibility that I have with the kids and all, and how would I tell my mother, hey � thanks for the flex time, but I�m moving on to do what I really want to do. The whole thing is so complex in my mind. I�m so conflicted with the work/life/family and family business thing. My mind goes there all the time. I know they say you spend your time where your heart is. Well, what if your heart is in more than one place and they are conflicting places. Can a working mother really have it all, career and a stable healthy family life and feel like you are doing well in both areas? When I was working before Haley was born, I knew I was good at what I did. Then I had the baby, and I continued to work for necessity and as part of what made me� well me. I had a real sense of pride in my work. But then I started to feel that I was being stretched so thin that I wasn�t doing such a good job anymore because I was being pulled away physically and mentally by my new family needs. Then I felt like I wasn�t a very good mother because I needed to stay up on my professional responsibilities. So, eventually, I made the change that allows me more flexibility but I don�t really like what I�m doing anymore�I feel like a better mom, but I feel like I�ve lost a part of what keeps me motivated to push forward. Blah, blah, blah, just thinking about it gives me a headache. I know that there is no simple solution.
And yes, I am meeting with the recruiter, if for no other reason than it reminds me that my skills are still in demand and helps me to know that I am not �trapped� I do have options. Although, I don�t intend to make a change right now, then again, you never know�
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