2006-02-18 - 5:57 a.m.
It's 4:30 in the morning and I just can not sleep. I've been tossing and turning for a least an hour, so I decided to just get up and go on-line. If nothing else, it gives me a chance to up-date here. My life is so busy, I am having an incredibly difficult time even getting just 20 minutes to update.
So, let's see, what's been going on?
I still like my new job. I've been there over two months now and, although I'm working many more hours then before, and I don't have as much time with the kids, I like what I'm doing, so mentally, I feel like I am in a much better place.
I'm still having some issues with my mother. Mostly trust issues. The bottom line is, I don't trust what she tells me at all. She bold faced lies to me again and again and again. I don't understand it, and I never will. It's really kind of sad. First off, I love my parents very much and I feel as though they gave me a happy, healthy childhood. I always had a great deal of respect for my mom but as I get older, I actually respect her less and less. I hate that, because I thought it was suppose to be the opposite. As you get older, you understand more and then think your parents actually know more than you ever gave them credit for when you were younger. Itís the exact opposite for me.
I realize I was blinded by my love for her and did not see her for what she really is. Again, I need to say I love her very much, and I would go to the ends of the earth for her. But I am extremely upset to now know, for certain, that she has a very dark side, one that she covers up pretty well, but a very ugly side. Iím not going to go into details, but I will say, that it is much healthier for me not to work with her and to not have to face that revelation on a daily basis anymore. I donít trust what she tells me. Iíve confronted her about her dishonesty with me over and over and over againÖand I just found out she STILL lies to meÖ regularly. My younger brother and I have had discussions about this, she does the same thing to him and he is as upset with it as I am. He thinks itís either a really bad habit she has got herself into or she has a psychological problem that somehow prevents her from understanding or recognizing what she is doingÖmaybe she is a compulsive liar. I donít know. I just know, I need some space away from it to clear my head. Itís very draining.
I know at heart she is a really good person and would not ever do anything to hurt another person and may even be too generous with people. I am in a tough spot because, my daughter adores her and she adores Haley. I know my mother would never do anything to hurt my daughter, but she wants to take her to the movies and shopping and out to do things. My motherís problem has nothing to do with substance abuse or anything like that, itís more money related, but because I donít trust her in one sense, I am hesitant for her to take my daughter away from me. Thatís really horrible.
Well thatís enough of that topic. Letís go onto something else.
Why are little girls so mean to each other? Haley came home from school on Wed. all upset because her friend at school said she didnít want to be her friend or to play with her. Haley, is very sensitive, and came home and started to cry about it. Haley said, ďshe said mean words to me and she told me she didnít want to be my friend anymore.Ē I felt so bad for her, I really wanted to go kick some preschool but. My husband reminded me that kids do that and it will probably pass and I know he is right, I just donít want her to go through what 95% of us girls have gone through at one point or another in our lives, the social rejection and mental torment other girls can bestow on us.
She went back to school on Friday and, of course, it had all passed and they were friends again. What the hell am I going to do when she reaches Jr. high when this sort of thing peeks?
Nathan is doing well, he is very close to walking. I canít believe heís going to be a year old next month. Wow, time really does fly.
I guess thatís it for now. Iím going to try and get some sleep now, if I can.
Disney... Disney....Disney - 2006-03-05
Stuff - 2006-02-18
She's back - 2006-01-22
Short update - 2005-12-23
I hate shopping - 2005-12-10